PIT-05 :: SUBLEVEL_LOG

Custodian went up to sector headquarters at 0900 hours. Objective was simple. Custodian sought to advise regional command regarding operator credentials. Current access parameters are improper n'at. Custodian requested elevated clearance levels to clear the security queue down by the garage faster. Briefing went poorly. Command staff exhibited significant operational confusion. Primary officer asked custodian for identification. Primary officer then asked who custodian was. Custodian explained custodian's role clearly. Command staff remained confused. Secondary officer picked up the phone to request building security. Jagoffs. Custodian initiated immediate egress protocol. Custodian exited via the stairwell before security assets arrived on scene. Custodian slipped out the side door by the dumpster and took the bus back. Custodian incurred zero casualties. Custodian sustained no physical damage. Status report: - Asset is secure. - Perimeter is stable. - Credentials remain unverified. Custodian will resume direct watch within 24-72 hours, per standard post-incident protocol. Asset remains under continuous observation in the interim from the ridge up past the crick. Weather is cold. Wind is blowing off the river. Job remains thankless. Custodian is here every day. Keeping the oath. Requisition Form R-104 for Iron City Beer remains pending approval. Custodian will resubmit if necessary. End log. Yinz stay alert. He is. Every day. Keeping the oath.

Perimeter breach occurred at 0700Z. Asset remains secure. Initial contact involved a hostile unit. Biological classification: raccoon. Regional classification: total jagoff. Hostile breached the north perimeter n'at. Hostile charged toward the main containment module. Custodian assumed the asset was under direct threat. Custodian prepared for kinetic response. Threat assessment was inaccurate. Hostile bypassed the primary asset entirely. Target of opportunity was the custodian's secondary storage crate behind asset. Hostile targeted the final reserves of Iron City Beer. Hostile successfully breached one 12-ounce aluminum container. Hostile consumed contents with extreme aggression and prejudice. Hostile retreated, staggering into the pipeline toward the dahn-tahn quadrant. Asset damage: zero. Supply loss: critical. This is a cold, thankless job. Maintenance of this sector requires adequate caloric and moral support. Custodian has submitted Form R-104. Requisition request: one 24-pack of Iron City Beer. Replacement of depleted reserves is essential for operational readiness. End log. Yinz stay alert. He is. Every day. Keeping the oath.